I hope this article helps to counter-balance that stereotype.
Most of us can express traits of narcissism and codependence at different times in our lives, and in different relationships, especially when under stress. The narcissistic process, needing to maintain a perfect self-image, will project all negative qualities onto others, particularly the codependent. Me: I feel scared that you might start yelling at me.
Gaslighting is a technique used by the narcissist in dysfunctional relationships to convince the other person that their views are wrong.
You’re told that you’re overreacting or not taking things seriously enough, accused of provoking them or being too sensitive, and that you’re the one acting unreasonably.
They can be hell to live with, they can destroy your confidence and they can make you feel utterly worthless.
So how do you know if you’re in a relationship with one?
Nobody likes criticism, of course, but narcissists can go nuclear at the slightest hint of it – which is ironic, because they’re quick enough to dish it out to others.
Their response to even minor criticism is usually to fight, or to go completely cold.
The result is disability: the resources and patience of the addict’s partner get increasingly depleted, while the addict slowly dies. Just as it takes two people to have a healthy relationship, it also takes two people to have a dysfunctional relationship. The ultimate knowledge of reality lies with the narcissist. Her: I can hear that you’re angry by the sound of your voice! Only a small fraction of the women I have dated have acted-out consistently on the narcissistic spectrum. There is no room for your feelings in that, unless you’re feeling positive emotions such as admiration or love. I have combined the experiences with those women into a composite for the purposes of this article, and I have attempted to disguise their identity. There seems to be a notion that narcissistic behavior is usually perpetrated by men. Since the narcissist takes no responsibility for their experience, including feelings, any negative experience must be your fault. Narcissists’ relationships tend to happen in three phases: over-evaluation, devaluation and discard.The first phase is when they choose a partner based on that person being exceptional in some way (attractive, popular, rich, talented), and turn their charm up to eleven.They’ll use things and people as props to help them appear special to others.